Identification- Letter of Apology
Hello all,
Having had the pleasure of learning from all of you all and seeing various ways of living life as a human through you all throughout the years of my stay here, it is quite unfortunate that as we are close to the final graduation, I cannot express my gratitude to any of you in person. The majority of you have graduated and it is quite uncertain if the one’s yet to graduate will be able to meet either due to the pandemic. Regardless, I must apologize to each one of you for the foolish ways in which I behaved.
This Apology comes as I see that I chose to interpret my role in a wrong way throughout the majority of my last few years just to prove that there’s a different way of looking at things but I failed to apply that notion to myself. I hope that I will be able to constantly see life as a dance instead of seeing it as a battle. Apologies for all the immaturity and experimenting that I tried. To the students, Professors and student support teams who tried to show me the light, I am Sorry for not seeing the other side of the story.
When I saw that everything can be identified as a form of mass balance (that is not always easy as it certainly takes complicated forms), the realization made me very sad for a long time and I eventually apologized to Professors and mentors who taught me fundamentals, to always ask for more higher level stuff instead of revisiting the basics. I have started to appreciate how experimental work is very similar to theory and is an integral part of science. I will strive to learn more about it and I request the masters to help me in doing so.
It took me so long to recognize you all, what you were trying to teach and all the guidance that you gave me as a friend or as a mentor. As I revisit my memories, I keep learning more and more new ways of looking at things that I had missed to see before. I ignored all Language relating to emotions because I thought these things are not well defined and hence not real. I thought people invented happiness and love and all other vague notions to keep themselves deluded away from the fact that reality is meaningless. I went through a lot of unnecessary mental turmoil as a result. I got too sensitive at times which caused unnecessary trouble to my roommates. I see now how hard it must have been to live with a fool like me. I apologize to them and my wingies too. I see that everyone here has been hurt by my actions or words in some way. Now, I see how my behaviour was blind. Emotions are as real as colors and it is our duty to paint our life with it. Meaning is derived by the observer, not the artist. The arist’s role is to paint and express himself.
I missed to see what is right in front of me. I had failed to communicate with my parents and that appeared in magnified forms in my interactions with others. Although I called home regularly, my discussions were always regarding academic matters because that’s all I focused on. I have overcome my deepest fears by communicating transparently with my parents and will strive hard to maintain this balance. I urge anyone like me to do the same while we have the chance living close to our family during this time. Taking care of our home automatically takes care of the outside world.
If there is one learning that I would like to take from the time here, it is that Words and Emotions are as real as any Material. As Tagore said, “Too much intelligence and no heart is like a double edged sword”. I should have taken fewer courses and maintained balance with my emotions too.
Extremely grateful to you all and the entire team of support for being patient with me. I do not expect anything in return from anyone and my mistakes are certainly not anything I can repay for. I have done my crying and getting over it throughout last week and I write this while being calm.
Sincerely,
Som
(Representative who failed to be one)